Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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