we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
