My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
