Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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