dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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