I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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