Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
