So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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