you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
