How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
