Where did you get a picture of my penis
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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