So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
