it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
