So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
