:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
