That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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