Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
