they need to just BURY HIM!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
