haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
4 words: hood of his car
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize