If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
