week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
