hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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