You made me cry and you don't even care
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize