South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
