Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
