this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
