She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
