dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
