mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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