Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
