It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
