Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
