it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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