If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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