Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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