Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Congratulations! We have a period
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