So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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