We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
