This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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