It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
