can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
