I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
