and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
