Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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