nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
