he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Little spoons don't ask big questions
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
