I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
