Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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