He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I should be sponsored by Trojan
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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