My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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