when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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