remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
