I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
should my penis look like a turkey
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
