so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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