Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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