I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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