We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
