Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
