before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
