just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
