yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
