I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
