went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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