one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
