the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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